I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
