Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize