The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
