new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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