wakey wakey hands off snakey
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
