I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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