Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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