I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
