Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize