Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
