hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
