Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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