I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
