My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
