I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
