He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
