How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize