I want to have your abortion
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
