Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
