Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
