ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
