You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i think i just lost a toe
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
