I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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