I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
