is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
