Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
