Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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