just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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