Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
