I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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