Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
