She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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