have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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