ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
