My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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