I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize