So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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