How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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