I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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