after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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