thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
