Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
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she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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