so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
ttyl tear gas
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
