Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs

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(515): View more from Iowa

If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.

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(713): View more from Texas

Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.

(1-713): View more from Texas

That explains the nerd bow & arrow...

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(443): View more from Maryland

Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.

(410): View more from Maryland

Youre asking too much from me

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