the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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