Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
