did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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