You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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