If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
is that a dick in a sweater?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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