There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
