I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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