Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
