I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
