I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
