Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
