On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
