I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
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I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Send help, water and tortillas.
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Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize