She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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