put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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