I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
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would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
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