I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my shit smells like andre
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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