So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
