Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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