Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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