if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
