dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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