Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
