doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
